Sticks and Stones:

Healing the Wounds That Shape Why We Emotionally Eat

(This one is long - but read to the end, we're doing something special if you want to participate).

Words have weight. Long after they are spoken, they can linger in the quiet corners of our minds, shaping our thoughts and coloring our world. This is especially true of the words we hear as children. A careless comment, a thoughtless critique, or a cruel remark from someone we trust can plant a seed of doubt that grows into a deeply rooted limiting belief. These early verbal wounds often have a powerful and lasting impact on one of the most fundamental aspects of our lives: our relationship with food.

Many of us who struggle with emotional eating, body image issues, or disordered eating patterns can trace the origins of our pain back to words. These words became the silent narrator of our inner world, whispering that we were not good enough, that our bodies were flawed, or that our hunger was something to be ashamed of. They built a framework of belief that has dictated our choices for years.

The good news is that we don't have to carry these burdens forever. We can acknowledge the pain, understand its origins, and gently release its hold on us. By using tools like Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), we can begin to heal these old wounds and write a new, more compassionate story for ourselves.

How Words Shape Our Inner World

The subconscious mind is like fertile soil. In childhood, it is especially receptive, absorbing messages from our environment without filter or judgment. When a child hears something negative about their body or their eating habits from a parent, teacher, or peer, they don’t have the emotional maturity to dismiss it. Instead, they internalize it as truth.

A single hurtful comment can feel like a verdict on their worth. When repeated over time, these comments solidify into limiting beliefs—core assumptions we hold about ourselves and the world. These beliefs then operate automatically, influencing our feelings, behaviors, and perceptions without our conscious awareness. They become the invisible fence that keeps us trapped in cycles of shame and self-sabotage.

5 Cruel Comments That Create Lifelong Scars

Words that may seem insignificant to the speaker can inflict deep and lasting pain. These comments often tie a child’s sense of worth directly to their weight or their plate, creating a complicated and emotionally charged relationship with food.

Here are five examples of hurtful things said to children and the limiting beliefs they can create:

1. "Are you sure you need another helping?"

   This question, often asked in front of others, is laced with judgment. It teaches a child to distrust their own hunger cues and to feel shame for their appetite.

   Limiting Belief Created: "My hunger is wrong and shameful. I can't trust my own body." This can lead to a lifetime of second-guessing hunger, chronic dieting, or binge-and-restrict cycles.

2. "You'd be so much prettier if you just lost a little weight."

   This ties a child's worth and beauty directly to a number on the scale. It communicates that their current self is not lovable or acceptable.

   Limiting Belief Created: "I am not worthy of love or acceptance unless I am thin." This belief fuels a constant pursuit of weight loss as a means of gaining approval and can lead to intense body dissatisfaction.

   
   

3. "Finish everything on your plate. There are starving children in the world."

   While often well-intentioned, this statement forces a child to override their body’s signals of fullness. It creates guilt around leaving food and disconnects them from intuitive eating.

   Limiting Belief Created: "It is bad to waste food, even if I am full. My own comfort doesn't matter." This can result in a habit of overeating and an inability to recognize or honor feelings of satiety.

   
   

4. "No dessert for you, you haven't earned it."

   This positions food, particularly "treats," as a reward for good behavior or something that must be earned. It moralizes food, dividing it into "good" and "bad" categories.

   Limiting Belief Created: "I am only allowed to experience pleasure (like dessert) if I am 'good.' Food is a reward, not just nourishment." This creates a transactional relationship with eating that can lead to cycles of restriction followed by binging on "forbidden" foods.

   
   

5. "You have your father's heavy build. You'll always have to watch your weight."

   This statement presents a child's body shape as a genetic curse, a life sentence of struggle. It instills a sense of hopelessness and bodily failure before they've even grown up.

   Limiting Belief Created: "My body is destined to be a problem. There is something fundamentally wrong with me that I can't change." This fatalistic view can lead to giving up on self-care altogether or engaging in extreme measures to fight a genetic "destiny."

   
   

Healing the Wounds with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)

If any of these statements resonate with you, know that your feelings are valid. The pain is real, but it does not have to be permanent. Emotional Freedom Techniques, or tapping, is a powerful tool for healing these specific wounds.

EFT works by combining principles of modern psychology with acupressure. By gently tapping on specific meridian endpoints on your body while tuning into a painful memory or a limiting belief, you send calming signals to your brain's fear center (the amygdala). This process helps to neutralize the emotional charge associated with the memory. The memory itself doesn't disappear, but its power to hurt you and trigger you does.

Here’s how tapping can help you heal your relationship with food and your body:

1. Acknowledging the Pain

Tapping provides a safe and structured way to revisit painful memories. You can focus on a specific comment that was made and allow yourself to feel the hurt, shame, or anger it caused, all while tapping to keep your nervous system calm. For example, you might use a setup phrase like, "Even though my mom told me I'd be prettier if I was thin, and that made me feel so ashamed, I deeply and completely accept myself."

2. Releasing Limiting Beliefs

Once you have processed the emotion tied to the memory, you can work on releasing the belief it created. You can tap on phrases like, "releasing this belief that I'm not worthy unless I'm thin," or "releasing this fear of my own hunger." This helps to dismantle the old programming in your subconscious mind.

3. Installing New, Empowering Beliefs

Healing isn't just about removing the negative; it's also about inviting in the positive. After clearing out the old pain, you can use tapping to install new, compassionate beliefs. You can tap on phrases like, "I am choosing to trust my body's wisdom," "I am worthy of love at any size," or "I give myself permission to enjoy food without guilt." This helps create new neural pathways in the brain, making self-compassion your new default setting.

A Path to Food Freedom

Your journey with food does not have to be defined by the careless words of others. You have the power to reclaim your story and build a relationship with your body based on kindness, respect, and trust. It is a process of unlearning the shame and relearning the simple, intuitive wisdom you were born with.

Be gentle with yourself as you begin this work. These wounds are often deep, and healing takes time. But with each round of tapping, you are taking a step back toward yourself. You are telling that child within you that they were always worthy, always enough. You are finally giving yourself the compassion you always deserved.

You can find guided tapping sessions to help you heal the emotional intensity around emotional eating here: www.youtube.com/@EFT_TapOnThat.

SPECIAL OFFER - Custom Tapping Scripts

It breaks my heart to hear about the painful comments that have contributed to so many people’s struggles with emotional eating. None of you ever deserved to be spoken to that way. As a child, you should have been protected from body shaming and criticism about food.

To help heal some of these wounds, I want to make a special offer. The first five people to email me at taponthat@shaw.ca will receive a custom tapping script. These scripts will be created just for you.

To participate, please send me a short paragraph describing what happened: what was said, who said it, and how it made you feel. I will personally write a tapping script to help you process and release that painful experience.